Am I Real?
by Strawberries and Fruit Tea
Summary: Strange things happen to everyone, right? Well, Tsuki has had more than her fair share of 'strange' to the point where it borders madness. Insanity. What did you expect Tsuki? That life as a Human/Shinagami would be a walk in the park? You thought wrong.


Prison

People usually think I'm angel when I say I 'fell' from another place. They think I'm a magical being, bringing happiness and joy to them. My God, How wrong all these people are. Me? An Angel? It's not possible for I cannot die. I am bound to be a Shinigami, a god of death, for eternity. I cannot be an angel because there is no Heaven or Hell for me, though where I stay for most of my useless time seems like a Hell.

An empty, barren land, inhabited by the thirteen other Shinigami plus the king of the Shinigami which is fourteen, plus me is Fifteen, Ridden with lies and Hate and Murder, Murder.

We all have a notebook of ultimate power_, the human whose name is written in this note shall die _is written on the first page you see, a notebook of death and destruction, a Death Note.

But I'm sure you all know about the Death Notes power and of the mysterious _Kira_ whom people called _God_, but you all have no Idea about the girl whose life was a mystery to her. Her name is, Tsuki Koizumi, and she is the one telling you all this, in the simple terms. _Me._

Why did it always rain in England? It always hit the window pane with an abusive glow that reminded me of home. I hate rain.

I glanced at L. He was working hard on mediocre crimes at this point. Mediocre, boring, easy crimes.

I sat back and yawned. The language barrier blocked my interest of looking around the small country. I know one language, Japanese, I should know more, so I'm learning English, or trying to learn, however those DVDs that are supposed to teach language, they teach it badly, I could do a better job and I don't know English.

I really should get a proper teacher to teach it to me, it would be really useful in situations like these.

'Eru-Sama-'

'Tsuki-san, you're older than me, sama is inappropriate' he interrupted.

'Uh…yes…eru-san…'

'Chan would do' he smiled at me, his lopsided smile.

I sighed 'Eru-chan…is there really no cases in Japan at the moment?'

He looked up again 'It's easier to work from somewhere people cannot Track me Tsuki-san, however, if you want to go back, I can sort out a-'

'No!' I put up my hands 'It's fine… just…thinking…' I looked back out of the window.

'You should go back, you're becoming a liability' he muttered.

I got up 'I'll visit BB then' I put on my trench coat and walked to the door.

Hoping he'd stop me and instead I got: 'Be safe. I'll call you if I have to go to Japan, Watari may be going back soon as well, I'll get him to pick you up after you've seen Backup.'

'Beyond Birthday' I replied haughtily, slamming the door as I went.

Perhaps I shouldn't have done that…I should have expected his behaviour, it's L… he has the social skills of an unborn child.

I booked a flight on the train to London Euston. The prison I was going to was right outside the airport I needed to arrive in, so there was no problem with how to get there and from the place. The problem was where I should stay, in the airport hotel, or somewhere closer to town.

I finally booked the airport hotel and got of the train, checking in the airport and then sitting around waiting for the departure gate to open.

Getting my seat on the plane I immediately fell asleep, ready for the long journey home.

_Have you ever woken up, and looked around then thought you're not in the right place? I get that feeling every time I wake up in the Shinigami realm, I feel like I don't belong there, my looks are very different to those of a Shinigami's with only a few similarities for example, I posses Shinigami eyes and the ability to fly and go through walls, Yet, I am so different in other things, I have soft pale skin, Natural Hazel eyes and long messy black hair._

_They on the other hand, are nothing like that, and don't even have hair on the top of their heads. It's scary, they all seem similar to themselves, but they know I'm different, I feel I should know too. I'm also much more intelligent than them…and moderately smaller at the moment, but hey! I'm only five years old…I think…_

_One of the Shinigami…Armonia Justin Beyondormason, the King of Death's advisor called me over to him. I jumped up from the rock I was sitting on._

_'Tsuki, the old man wants a word with you'_

_I nodded and went to find the Shinigami King, He was very important so I'm sure I should feel honoured he wanted to see me, but I wasn't, at all. Think about it hard, would you really be that honoured to be called over by the King of Death?_

_I bowed low as I saw the fabled King; he lifted up my head and looked deep into my eyes, I moved my gaze away, his eyes scared me, he held my head so I was forced to look into his fully. I then saw my life before I knew this world. I saw my mother, my father…the illegality of the relationship, the baby they made, and the hate my fathers' legal wife had for me, the pain…then BAM! A figure similar to the one of who's eyes I was staring into appeared in front of me and picked me up then swooped up into the sky as I was out of the house alone one night, he let go of my face as I shook off what I had just seen in his eyes, The King of Death had adopted me as a daughter and I became a Half- Shinigami._

_I backed away from the King and ran away; I bumped into something and fell over. I got up and look at what I bumped into, it was one of the lower ranked Shinigami, Ryuk, the one who craves excitement, he looked at me then, knelt down to my height._

_'The old man says I have to take you down there' He told me, grabbing me then flew to one of the many holes to see into the human world, we passed through the portal and appeared in a back alley in the world, there was a wall with shiny glass on. A __mirror__ I believe it's called, I saw my small self. 'Ryuk, this is me, and there's you!' I pointed a finger to the cold glass 'This is where I belong' I closed my eyes and thought about what I saw in the King's eyes. I opened my eyes and Noticed Ryuk wasn't there, I ran out of the alley and found myself in a busy place with lots of people with soft skin, but it was different colours._

_I bumped into many people but at one point when I was getting so distressed I fell over then burst into a spout of tears, an arm scooped me up, I looked at the persons head __Quillish 'Watari' Wammy __I squealed as he held me._

_'You're lost aren't you?' He asked 'don't worry, Ill take care of you'_

_Another Kid appeared, I knew him already so I paid no attention to him, but then…then I saw another kid, black messed up hair, dark eyes, I didn't know him, but I already knew I loved him. The name…?_

_L Lawliet_

I awoke as we were just flying over Spain. I blinked and looked at the lunch in front of me. The person next to me must have put my flap down. I glanced at them then closed my eyes to try and sleep again; the KOD only knew I'd need it after visiting BB.

I've grown up from when I was younger, when hate was more than a four letter word. When I dismissed the poor boy without a word to him about why I disliked him. I guess I was jealous he had the eyes, the best bit of a Shinigami's powers and nothing else. He aged properly; he didn't have to carry a _desu noto _everywhere. He didn't have the constant nagging that to live he had to kill.

It must have been jealousy.

_Watari took me in as a __Genius __child, I lived with __that boy__ and L. Nothing really interesting and of no great matter to a person like you, do you really want to know about everything we learnt? Nope._

_I awoke on my eleventh, stretching my arms, wiping away sleep, thinking it was just an ordinary day, until I caught sight of a sign on my door reading __Happy Birthday__. I got up and sighed, a hand on my head, Watari went all out on birthdays since we were more conscious of what a birthday was._

_I got changed into casual clothes and opened my door, a ten year old L was stood there smiling holding up a wrapped box. I blinked a couple of times as I closed my bedroom door behind me and took the box out of his hands._

_I was about to shake it but the minute I held it up to my ear, L took it off me. Then gave it back to me, without any voice, I knew it was easily broken. I smiled and took his hand 'I'll open it downstairs okay?'_

_He nodded, and bit his thumb on the other hand; we then walked to where the stairs were in Wammy's orphanage._

_We passed __his__ door I swooped on past his door, L lingered outside it for a while then saw I had let go of his hand and was moving swiftly away from the door. I noticed out of the corner of my eye L run up to me as the door slowly opened, I grabbed L's hand and ran down the stairs to where Watari was._

_The boy whom I hope I have portrayed as someone I hate, his Alias name here is __B__, standing for __Backup__. I knew him before I had ever seen him, the boy born with the eyes of my adopted kind. I had an Immediate disliking for him, he has no idea why I hate him, I probably should feel sorry and pity him, it would seem the right feeling to have but that's not my true feelings, I scoff at things like that for this boy, to me he is nothing and he has no right to live. I do realise how horrible that is, but if you knew him, you'd know why I feel so strong about my hate for him._

_I got downstairs and Watari was waiting with a gourmet Breakfast out, if you ever met him from his first appearance you would not expect him to be a great cook, as a famous inventor you'd think he has no time for cooking, but us Wammy kids know better._

_I sat down and L sat next to me on my left, Watari placed a heap of wrapped shapes in front of me. I heard the door creak as B came in the room. I didn't look but reached for the first one._

_'That's from me' B told me taking the place to my right._

_I unwrapped it to reveal a collection of multicoloured bracelets. 'Thanks' I told him, one of the little times I look into his eyes._

_I took up the next parcel and soon the table was covered with wrapping paper of many colours and a pile of selected gifts for me, I was so happy._

_Then, Watari took me out of the room and handed me a note that read:_

_Here is your very own, Use it wisely little one_

_K.O.D._

_Watari then passed me a notebook, a purple notebook, I was confused at first then I opened the cover and saw instructions. I screamed and dropped it on the floor. My eyes went to Watari as I picked up the notebook. I kept it close to me. Hugging it tightly. I had one of my own…my very own Death Note…I ran up to my room and shut the door, opened the book and read all the instructions, carefully and memorising them all._

_A knock on the door made me jump five metres in the air; I quickly hid the notebook and called out to whoever it was 'Come in!' My voice was panicky._

_The door creaked open and L's messy hair calmed me, He pushed the door open with his back, he was still holding the parcel. I hadn't opened the one from him yet._

_He passed it to me smiling. I sat down on the bed and opened the parcel unwrapping the silver paper that covered it, I folded the paper up and put it next to me, I was left with a brown box, I opened it up easily, the box was filled with small polystyrene shapes, I looked at L._

_'Dig around' he told me. So I stuck a hand in a moved it around, hoping to find something, my hand met a shaped and I pulled it out, it was a photo frame, it was portrait and the design on the frame was ornate and typically Japanese, it read on the top in that language __Sakai No Yakusoku __which means the promise of a lifetime._

_I traced my finger around the pattern then looked at L._

_'My promise for your lifetime is that I will be there for you' He told me. I blinked a couple of times and then hugged him tight. I felt a cold liquid seep from my eyes onto my face._

_'Now all we need is a photo of us' I told him. He agreed and we gazed into each other eyes, we we're only past a decade old, yet we knew we wanted to spend our lives with each other._

I awoke and glanced at the screen that showed us where we were. Just about to start the descend into Tokyo airport.

I put up the flap. Then continued to stare out at the bright lights that light up the night sky.

Things change as you grow up. Things happen. For example, BB became a murderer and L tried to chase him but got a Japanese female agent to help him so technically he didn't win the bet and now BB's sat in prison.

Other things change as well. Feelings. To the point where you just don't know what to think or feel anymore.

We landed carefully and I left the airport, then went into the Prison.

It was exactly how it was when I visited the year before when he was placed in this confinement for his hellish behaviour. I showed my ID card and they let me through, knowing who I would see.

His red eyes gleamed, and he licked his lips, a pot of Jam beside him. How he loved Jam. I smiled as he moved closer and put his hands on the window.

'May I take him out for a walk?' I knew they treated the prisoners like vicious dogs. The terminology I accidentally used probably made the percentage of him being allowed out for a walk higher.

They unlocked it and he smiled. A horrid reminiscent garish smile. He took my hand and his eyes grew wide.

'Yes, it's me, Tsuki…' I told him. The Security guard behind me watching intently. 'I'm taking you for a walk'

He nodded slowly 'Tsuki…love…'

I shook my head 'You don't…your delusional, you wanted the opposite of what he had… remember?'

He nodded 'You...exception'

I linked his arm through mine and walked out to the fake Astroturf outside. 'I got you jam' I showed him the jar, and he opened it and dipped his fingers in. They dripped with the conserve for some time before he stuck his fist in his mouth and sucked.

He offered me some, to be polite, I dipped my pinkie finger in and tasted. How he could eat this and only this I will never know.

'Thank you' He smiled again. 'I lost…' he muttered sticking another fist in his mouth.

'You drew, L had help' I told him. I sat down on the green.

He looked down 'I'm here, I was caught' he whispered then let his eyes dart around.

I nodded 'But he had help' I repeated.

Beyond sat down and looked at me wide eyed. 'Why are you here?' he muttered then reached a hand around my back to trace a scar 'You hate me?'

'Hate means nothing to me now' I laughed softly 'I was irrational back then, your repeating all the stuff you said last year…'

He nodded 'Yes'

I sighed and got up as a security guard came up to us. 'I should go BB, I'm sorry this visit was so short, maybe a longer one next time?'

He nodded again then too stood up, hooking his arm around me and kissing me lightly on the lips. Leaving mine sticky with jam.

He smiled as the guard took him away. He started to hum an old song I used to taunt him with.

'There coming to take you away…' I muttered to myself, getting a moist tissue out of my bag and wiping my lips free off the jam.

As I left the prison, I heard a small commotion about a criminal that was currently at large having a heart attack. I turned and looked at the TV screen, leaning through the guards window.

'Oi, who are y-' He started up then shut up as he saw my ID.

I watched silently…coincidence…or…

I rushed out of the prison and greeted Watari at the gate.

'Tsuki-san, L requested I met you here' he said, his posture tall.

'Yeah, yeah, I need to get to the hotel and watch the news, fast.' I told him. 'Sorry to be a bother.'

He tilted his head and opened the car door. I got in and he drove me to a different hotel to the one I booked into.

I groaned and set up my laptop, cancelling the booking for the other hotel, turning on the TV I sat back and did some research on the person. Seems he was just another boring physco.

I heard Watari call L about the case.

'Yes, I've got her' he then held out the phone to me. I took it slowly wondering what he wanted with such a liability.

'You seen the news?' he asked quickly 'Little bit of a coincidence, a middle aged man dying from a heart attack part way through a crime?'

I exhaled 'I agree, with you' I don't see why he wanted to call me to tell me that. He knows I'll have already researched it.

'Gomen Nasai Tsuki' He muttered. I could hear his thumb nail break. Again. 'I didn't mean to call you a liability'

'I know, listen, Eru-chan, I should go…I want to type up some stuff before I have a bath, call when your on your way'

I then passed the phone back to Watari and quickly typed up some things about the heart attack and the victim. From the way I was brought up, an unsightly heart attack could mean only one thing. Some prick had a death note.

I only knew one Shinigami who had the drive to do such a stupid thing as let a human know about our weapons. Our way of living.

Ryuk was going to get an earful when I next see his brutish face.


End file.
